At Home Being Homeless

Jesus asked the Twelve, “Do you also want to leave?” Simon Peter answered, “Lord, where would we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are God’s holy one.” (John 6:67-69, CEB translation)

Reminder: This blog is called Grown Up Bible for a reason. There will be some “adult” language in this post.  Straight out the gate this time…

People say stupid shit to women in ministry all the time.

My own two favorite personal encounters both took place in a pastoral appointment where I was the only woman pastor in the county. In one case, a woman had some books to bring to “number one pastor.” She didn’t mind making number two pastor stand in the rain getting drenched while she asked questions about number one pastor from the dry sanctuary of her car. When I made it back to the office after picking up my son from school, number one pastor told me that she had brought him some books to read about the Holy Spirit because he was a true servant of God. She also left strict instructions not to let number two pastor read the books because, “She is from the devil.” Number one pastor offered to give me the books. I passed.  And for those of you who have seen my library, you know I don’t turn down books easily.

My other favorite story was when the area pastors gathered at the back of a sanctuary to process in for a community celebration of Martin Luther King’s birthday. There was a wide variety of pastors represented: rich and poor, conservative and liberal, full time and part time, black and white. And there was a sea of men, and me. We went around the room introducing ourselves. When it came to me, and I said who I was, one of the pastors exclaimed, “Congratulations!” Later he caught me and explained that I was the first woman pastor he had met, and he was so excited to see one.  It gave him hope for the future of the church.  And then he said, “After all, if God can call a donkey to preach, why not a woman?”

Why not indeed?!?!  I responded to his words with charity, knowing that he meant them as a compliment. But I thought in my head, “There is an ass in this scenario, but it isn’t me.”

I am going to hear ridiculous things like this for the entirety of my ministry. So will probably all the women pastors currently serving (I hold out a glimmer of hope for my younger Millennial and Gen Z colleagues, but stupidity takes a long time to weed out). So when John MacArthur told Beth Moore to go home, I just rolled my eyes. It is nothing we haven’t heard before. It is nothing we won’t hear again. The only difference is the high visibility of the two people involved.

But then I got to thinking about what MacArthur was asking Moore to do. To what home is he inviting her to return? I can only think he conceives of her proverbial home as wherever she can be barefoot and pregnant.  And sure, she’s a little old to be pregnant, but I mean her name is Elizabeth, and another Elizabeth in the Bible gave birth in her old age, so… (see Luke 1).

But that home is not the goal of most of the biblical narrative. Most of the biblical narrative invites people to go to a home God has designed, not humans. It is not four walls and hearth. It is a calling. Abram is instructed to go to a land that God called him to, but mostly that is a call to go where God calls. It is less about geography. Also, the Hebrews were called out of Egypt to the promised land, but God deliberately had them wander in the desert (and a pretty compact desert at that) for 40 years while they figured out that God was calling them into an identity.

And then Jesus, Jesus calls people to follow him. But following then means leaving people at home to bury themselves, to wander around without a place to place your head at night, to be a nomad with no concrete home. You can’t even say goodbye to the people you love if you are following Jesus! (Luke 9:57-62) Harsh. But it speaks to the reality that Jesus is also calling those who follow him into a new way of being. And for those of us who say yes, our home becomes with him.

Simon Peter recognizes this in one of his rare moments of brilliance (because honestly men are not any better at following Jesus than women are – they just have privilege and publicists). When Jesus gives his disciples the opportunity to leave, Simon Peter recognizes the futility of that offer. They can go home? Not to that fishing village. It is not home anymore. Too much of who those disciples are is now wrapped up in Jesus. They are the ones who follow Jesus. They aren’t fishermen, or tax collectors, or anything else anymore.

Those who serve in the ministry, who get moved from church to church, or who like Beth Moore travel all over teaching and preaching, grow accustomed to pausing for a bit and residing in property that belongs to someone else. I have always appreciated the parsonages I have been provided, but also been uneasy about hanging pictures on the walls. It is not my home. The ministry disrupts the American dream cottage with the white picket fence ideal and instead shows us that we sink our understanding of home not in a particular place but in God instead. Oh, don’t get me wrong. A lot of days that sucks.  But a lot of days we find ourselves doing work that helps the reign of God break into this world. I have been the hands and feet and heart that helped people break the chains of anger and hate. I have seen people fed. I have baptized newborn babies into the faith. I have stood in prison lobbies arguing for someone’s literal release from jail, while holding a distraught mother’s hand and heart. And I have cast out demons, which I do just by bringing my breasts into the church in a clergy robe and watching people scatter. Go. Get out of here. The reign of God doesn’t need any more people who are trying to bind God up in chains.

And we are making a difference. In that place where I was the only woman pastor, by my third year there, the Church of Christ pastor lobbied for me to run for President of the Ministerial Fellowship. Some of you know what a monumental shift that is. The rest of you will have to take my word for it that it was like tectonic movement of continental plates.

So I want to say to Beth Moore, and to all my clergy sisters, we don’t have a home to go to, and that is the point. We are homeless for Jesus. But we also lay our heads on his chest. We lean into him when we feel lost. We go where he sends us. And where he sends us is always home, because home is wherever he sends us. So I will live into this call. And when I do, that’s when I go home.