God Provides

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Therefore, I say to you, don’t worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear. There is more to life than food and more to the body than clothing.  Consider the ravens: they neither plant nor harvest, they have no silo or barn, yet God feeds them. You are worth so much more than birds!” (Luke 12:22-24)

I am starting 2021 out in a Bed and Breakfast.  I started 2020 out in a hotel. Perhaps it bodes ill that I am drawing parallels between the two years, and I have seen all the memes warning us to step softly into this year. Well, believe me when I say that there is no way I am going to claim 2021 as my year. But on this first day of 2021 I can’t help but reflect, as probably many of you are, on the whole of the year we just went through as we face the one before us.

So let me just be honest about where I have been. I started out 2020 in a hotel because I was trying to save my marriage. It had unspooled as a result of the after effects of a trauma that had occurred a year before. A trauma that had been compounded by a nearly untenable work situation that was thankfully settling down, even if part of that settling down was learning I was losing my job. And all that on the heels of losing my dad.  And watching my denomination come apart at the seams. Unlike many, I did not start out 2020 in a terribly hopeful place. In fact, by the time the pandemic arrived, my response was, “Sure. Why not? This may as well happen.” And in a weird twist of fate, the pandemic gave me cover. I could not spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with family. But then, neither could anyone else. My personal apocalypse very helpfully coincided with a worldwide one, making what could have been a terribly lonely space at least collectively lonely.

But one thing I did have on January 1, 2020 was a stove.

I was staying in one of those hotels meant for people who were longer term stays, so there was a kitchenette. Now, what was important about a stove? I could make black eyed peas. For as long as I can remember I have had black eyed peas on January 1. In fact, that day may be the only day the entire year that I have them. They are supposed to bring luck. I gave up on that superstition a long time ago. 2020 is not the only hard year I have had in my life.  Hardest, maybe, so far. But not the only one. And no matter how hard a year is, no year comes completely without moments of joy and hope.

No, the black eyed pea tradition was more a comfort than anything else.  A lifelong connection to a moment. And to my people. To my family in particular, both the family I was born into, and the family I married and then created. So last year I made sure to heat up a can of black eyed peas on January 1.

But this year, no chance. Not in a space with a stove. And weather that discourages going to the store, even if I was of a mind to eat them cold. Waking up on January 1, 2021, I faced the hard truth that I was going to have to break that tradition. It would be one of a sea of traditions I have lost in the past year, like many of us. I was resigned. But I was also a little sad.

I consoled myself with the fact that the restaurant across the street was not only open but had baked Brie. If I gotta go another way, at least I am going in style. Plus, I got seated at a lovely table with a window’s view of the near freezing rain crawling down the cliffside. There was a waterfall, and a real sense of peace in that moment.

I placed my order and stared out the window. I got my glass of tea. And then the server came back and set a small bowl in front of me. “On the house, a small bowl of vegan black eyed peas. Happy New Year!”

Sitting there stunned, all I could think was, “God provides.”

The providence of God was one of those things that I wrestled with in seminary.  As a Wesleyan, I do not believe that God is a puppet master controlling every moment of our lives. We have a robust understanding of free will. We acknowledge that while God may have a will for our lives, God will not force us to follow that will. So God is infinitely creative. When we dodge another way, God meets us there and tries a new path to bring us to the fullness of life.

So what is God’s providence then? Well, it was an article written by one of my seminary professors, Dr. Charles Wood, that changed my perspective on providence by taking me to the root of providence.  God provides… God. No matter where we are and what we are going through, we can count on God being there.

I admit that this year I have wanted God to show up in loud, earth-shaking, powerful ways. God has done that for me before, and at times when I wasn’t in near as much trouble as I have been this past year. But no, I didn’t get the earthquake. But God does keep showing up in the whisper.

When I have made time and space, I notice that God is always in the shadows. And I say shadows deliberately, knowing that pushes against the idea that God is the light. God is the light, but God is also the darkness. I have spent a lot of time in the shadows this year. The shadows didn’t go away. But God was also there. Being in the shadows with me. Quiet. But present.

And so when that small bowl of black eyed peas appeared, I knew who was there. Quietly saying that I am not without family. My history is not lost. My story continues on. And God continues to be words in that story. In fact, the Word is helping me to write it, to live it, to fight through it.

The Scripture I quoted above makes it seem like I believe God is constantly giving us material things, and you might get that idea from the arrival of the black eyed peas. God does expect that we will provide for those with need around us, and gives us plenty to be able to do that, if we would let go of our fear and quit being selfish.  There is always plenty in God’s world. But no, it is not about the material things. I learned that last year when I drove away from my two story home with one car load, leaving the people who were most important to me in the world behind. No, it is not the material things that we get from God’s providence. But God does use the material to show up, to become evident to us, just as God took on our flesh 2000 years ago to show us how much God loved us. And to show us that God would go with us through everything we went through. Even the worst loss and death. God is always there.

So, my friends, may you have a bowl of black eyed peas today. But even more than that, may you see God. In the big and the small. And may you remember that no matter what, God provides what we need. Because God provides God.