But months later, the trauma washed over me, drowned me. I happened to be on a retreat, and we had shared our lives with one another, and I had finally told my story, and the gravity of it crushed me down. Quite literally. As I made my way to my room, I sat on the floor. Then I fell over. I curled into a ball. I knew I needed to brush my teeth. I knew I needed to put on my pajamas. I knew I needed to turn out the light. I knew I needed to climb into the bed. And I also knew I could do none of those things.